My Side of the Story

These are the last texts I have from Kathy; she was in hospital; does she look angry with me? No, it was her olive branch, an offer to reconcile an estrangement that SHE created. Shannon, when you were standing in the hospital like a puffy little Napolean, you didn't turn around to see that Kathy was happy to see her seesters, and waving us in. You were too goddamn busy whispering to Joe, mumbling about us "making a scene". Theresa leaned against Kathy's hospital room door, spouting off her medical knowledge as only a dental hygienist can do. It was only a few visits later that we found out that she and the other Tracy's had made Kathy LAY IN HER OWN WASTE for two days. These texts prove that Kathy wanted us there. Nothing would have kept us from seeing Kathy Beth, not Shannon's warnings, not Joe's incessant praying, bible-thumping, and accusations. If Kathy didn't want us to be there, she would have expressed that, by not saying "I love you guys", by turning away, she would have told Joe and the nurses to make us leave. We 3 Seesters were closer than you can imagine.
This is the first of multiple posts my kids have to read, to understand what their ignorance of the truth has shown us about their character (or lack thereof). Practice Critical Thinking, if you will. The shock and despair created by your cowardice, cruelty, and treachery has been superseded by fury. It amazes me that neither one of you have the fortitude to answer my questions face to face, considering the strong women that have contributed to your DNA.
We have many issues with Kathy's hospitalization and funeral. Here are a few of them: Most of us are very private about our pain, Kathy included. It's a struggle to hide it, that's what nurses and doctors are for. There should have been curtains on the windows for privacy. And it is an Intensive Care Unit, not a gathering place or a revival event. There is only room for very, very close family visitors for small units of time. Fighting covid is exhausting for the patient, and that takes quiet and concentration. It's not abandonment, it's called respect, and helps the nurses and doctors do their job. Blasting "christian" music in her ears all night and day is not restful or healing, it's an assault (we all know that she would have preferred George Strait anyway). Pushing pseudoscience conspiracy theories is idiotic and dangerous. Any reputable counselor will tell you that Joe's reprehensible bewailing's were his clamorous attempts to assuage his guilt. We all die alone, at least on this side, nobody can walk us through in the physical. Some people slip away when their people leave the room for that last grasp at privacy. As far as dying surrounded by family and friends - I'm not so sure that's what they want at that point. I told Joe and now I will tell you, you didn't want us there at the funeral planning. With Shannon's behavior, Brad's pushing Carley into a place where she certainly wasn't welcome, and Joe's insistence of a christian burial - no, you didn't want us there, I was doing you a favor. Brad turned his back on all of us - I would not have allowed him to act like the loving nephew at her death when he wouldn't do it in her life. And Shannon was so busy massaging Joe's pain, she didn't think to support Kathy. Or me. Or Judy. Or Dane. Or Nola. We mourn the loss of our seester and will celebrate her memory every single day, as long as we live. As far as the funeral goes, it's barbaric and a severe breach of privacy to have a person's dead body on view. The same with sticking them in the ground and leaving them there. Judy cannot bear that part. I can't either. And that is absolutely NOT what Kathy wanted. She had her after death plans decided, and while we realize that covid negated her wish to donate her body for medical science, that plan also included cremation. Read the papers she drew up. And do you really believe that she wanted a tombstone with an advertisement on the back of it? With all the work she did on our ancestry, do you honestly think she would want her maiden name LEFT OFF. Absolutely not - you both allowed our sister's life and death to be overshadowed by the Joe Show. One of the most shocking ironies: Joe was afraid of the covid vaccine - he admitted to me that he didn't want a microchip implanted. Jesus Christ. Yet, he happily cashed the check from the government for covid funeral expenses. And you helped him, Shannon - what hypocrites.
A loss of spouse sanctuary? That's obscene. Kathy did not suffer the loss of a spouse through death, just divorce. Everyone knows that was Joe's attempt at finding a lover and hanging onto every bit of property and money that he could. Two people have told us that less than a month after Kathy died, he was moaning about needing a woman. I'm sure you both knew that, we certainly did. The extravagance of his grief was beyond the pale. If Joe had died first, Kathy would have had a cat sanctuary, her quilting room, and of course Jimmie Johnson shrine. She would have invited all of Joe's family to go through his personal things. Several times a year Kathy went through her closets and sent us big bags of clothes to go through. And she gave me boxes of fabrics that she didn't want or need. Judy and I weren't even allowed that comfort, all of our family heirlooms that don't mean shit to anyone else were thrown out to the wind for ravens to devour. Kathy would detest that treachery. As would mom, grandma, and every single one of our relatives and ancestors.
Now about the letter I sent...